Some questions about the Queen’s media habits…..

From being the first (non-engineer) person to make a long distance phone call without an operator in 1958, I wondered how up-to-date Beth II keeps with new technologies. 

1. Is she a PC or a Mac?

2. Does she use the internet?  What’s her email address? 
(corgi-luva@buckpal.co.uk)  Has she ever Googled herself? 

3. Has she got a Freeview box, or is she signed up with Sky?

4. Is she HD ready?

5. Does she have a giant flat screen big tv, or is her tv wooden, ornate and in-keeping with her plush Buck Palace surroundings?  (Wonder what a Sony TXaV6-yawn look like in a stately home???).  Or does she use a projector, as it “feels like the Olden Days”?

6. What will she watch now that ITV have cancelled The Bill? (We know she watches The Bill thanks to Charlie Brooker’s ‘Screen Burn’, 29.11.2003.  She also watches Eastenders).

7. Has she upgraded to Blue-ray and/or HD DVD (or whatever these – yawn!! – new formats are)?

8.  Does she have a mobile phone? If she has an Iphone, what apps (yawn!!!) does she use the most?   Who is on her speed dial?  (Surely it must be Barack!!!)

9. Has she got a digital camera? 

10. Does she have a blog?  What would she write about?

11. What picture does she have on her desktop?

12. Has she searched for her old school friends on Facebook?

If our Beth hasn’t keep up to date with ANY of these technologies, is it then fair to say that she is out-of-touch with her people?  I suggest she logs-on quick, before the digital revolution turns into a republican one.  *

 

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* Obviously this comment about revolution is just me being mela-dramatic for artistic effect to conclude this article, but I do feel the comment about being out-of-touch is valid.  Obviously these are only questions, and the Queen may be fully connected.  Her online alias may be Bill Bartmann.

“Suspect Racism:Racism Suspect” – The Movie (draft script proposal)

The Plot:

An internationally respected African American Professor (Denzel Washington) returns home from holiday and finds the door to his plush suburban home is jammed.  The taxi driver (Benicio Del Toro) helps him “break” in to his own house.

The neighbors (played by the full cast of Desperate Housewives) get nervous seeing these events, and call the police, who promptly arrive within seconds. [Backstory - the reason the police arrive so quickly is because this is a "good" neighborhood.]

The policeman (Nicholas Cage) confronts the professor, and after a verbal altercation between the two, the professor is arrested. [Note - the Director Ron Howard must be careful here not to show either party is to blame.]  Later the professor is released without charge.

The president of the United States (Will Smith) gets tangled up in these events and calls the policeman “stupid”.  After the cast of West Wing get in a panic and make the president backtrack in the glare of the world’s press, they come up with the bright idea of inviting the hot headed pair to the White House for a ‘beer summit’, with the vice-president (played by John Travolta), for all the world’s press to witness.

 

Feedback on draft proposal Studio Executives:

1 -Whilst the plot line is generally good, and the narrative is generally believable, and only a little far fetched.  It is fitting with the zeitgeist so will find an audience.  It might actually be more interesting though to see the narrative unveil from the perspective of the world media.  To see the effect the media have on how the “real live” events are handled would be more interesting for the audience, as research shows that is how audiences suspect how things happen in the real world anyway.  (See Stephen Frears’ film ’The Queen’ for reference, on how the media affected the Royal response to the death of Princess Diana.) 

2 - Whilst audience always love a happy ending, the studio is pained to admit that this might be too much of a happy ending, even for us.  It is important that a fantasy film such as this still keeps touch with reality.  The director needs to remember that if this fantasy event were to ever happen in the real world, that it is VERY unlikely that the ‘beer summit’ would happen in full view of the media.  It would 99% be more likely to happen behind closed private doors.  Even in this media saturated world we studio execs are so proud of, no one would ever be fooled by a  beer summit happening in the open air in full view, would they? 

If however the Director Ron Howard was so convinced that the beer summit had to be outdoors in full view of media cameras, then please make sure that the actor playing the president doesn’t over-act with mock exaggerated laughter, as that would just be painfully embarrassing, and quite frankly unnecessary.

3.  Re-cast the role of  the professor for Halle Berry to play it instead of Washington, and have her fall in love with either the policeman, the president or the vice-president (it doesn’t really matter which one!).  If you can make that happen, then this movie will definitely be financed!!

Ends.

THE QUEEN IS DEAD!

I know she’s not really, but one day that will be the headline, and occassionally in mornings I wonder if I’m going to be faced with it.  This isn’t me saying I’m looking forward to that day (I wouldn’t wish death on anyone, much.  A certain Austrian with a basement springs to mind.), I’m just wondering about the day when it arrives, if I’m still alive myself of course.

In the UK the event will of course be a landmark media moment, as would be expected.  We’ve seen how the media dealt with the deaths of Princess Diana (struck with grief & guilt), and more recently Jade Goody (struck with guilt & expediancy).  The world’s media covered the events of September 11^th 2001 with its jaw on the floor in shock whilst rubber necking and celebrating in the horror.  Shocking events like September 11^th and the death of Diana catch the media off-guard, as they obviously aren’t things that can be planned for, but media coverage of the queen’s funeral is an event that has been planned behind the scenes for years.  (See this story about the plans for the queen’s funeral being stolen in 2004).

So it will be interesting to see how the media will deal with the death of the queen in this post-Diana/post Sept 11^th age of 24hr news coverage, and also, how the story will be covered abroad, especially in the commonwealth countries.  (The Zimbabwe press coverage would be an interesting read!)

In many ways it will be seen as a litmus test to how relevant the monarchy is to British identity and how seriously it’s seen across the world, and how viewed across the commonwealth.  No doubt the sympathy coming from all corners of the world will be overwhelming, but will any mass media outlets, especially in the UK, break from protocol and be radically critical about the future of the monarchy, outside of the expected ‘think pieces’ in the British broadsheets about the challenges ahead for the royal identity? 

Also keep your eyes open for any changes in the ‘national mood’, (if there is such a thing).  Will it become a more nationalistic time (even if just temporary around the week surrounding the state funeral)?  Will this period since her coronation in1953 become known as the Elizabeth era.  (Elizabethan sounds too ‘ye olde’, and it’s been done already!).  She may be represented as the silent woman in the corner, but she’s seen eleven and a half Prime Ministers come and go including Churchill, Thatcher and Blair (Brown is the half), the end of the Cold War, the transition from a physical to an economic colonisation of the African continent, and the global shift from national economies to a globalized free market system.   Prince Charles will have some large shoes to fill, if he decides to wear shoes at all.  He’s more of a sandals man. 

In all of this branding and re-branding of the sense of the ‘national mood’, of course the media will be playing the central role, arguably not only reflecting the mood, but also directing it. 

This will be an interesting time also for community media, particularly community radio, in reporting these events.  How much will community radio stations echo and rely on coverage from the mainstream, and how much will they generate themselves and present challenging ideas?

The tightrope that any critique will have to walk is that, for the majority of people living in the UK today she’s the only monarch any of us have ever experienced, and on the whole she mostly viewed as a harmless individual with not much actual political power.  What the reality is of that statement is of course up for much debate and research.  Left wing politics has been all but eradicated in England, and it will be interesting to see if the event is used as a clarion call to redefine the next incoming era, and what differing or similar roles the mainstream and community media platforms will play in those debates. 

A content analysis of mainstream and alternative media outputs during these events would be fascinating evidence of, in cultural terms, “how alternative are they actually?”

Anyone interested in joining me to set up this research project, let me know. Until then, long live the queen.